Goodbyes
by Racoda Moonshine
Summary: "Only in the agony of parting do we look into the depths of love." - George Eliot
1. Chapter 1

_**Goodbyes**_

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><p>Spock reached his room just before the emotions he was battling overpowered him.<p>

He slid down the, now closed, door and drew his knees up to his chest, burying his face into his hands and letting the sobs thunder through his whole body.

The Captain was dead.

_Jim _was dead.

Jim was _dead_.

An away mission gone so wrong so quickly, too quickly for Spock to react, to save him and it was all over, no going back, no changing what happened because now Spock was the Captain and the crew was counting on him to be strong for them.

But he couldn't.

His face burned with tears, his mind whirling at a million miles a second with no signs of stopping and Spock was falling.

Falling deeper and deeper into oblivion and there was no one to pull him back, to haul him up from the darkness of his own emotions and tell him everything was going to be okay because it wasn't.

It was never going to be okay because Jim was...Jim was _gone_.

Suddenly something snapped Spock out of his downward spiral. It was his computer on his desk. The slow beep that signified that he had a message resounded around the room.

"Computer, identify the sender of the message." Spock managed to force out, his voice hoarse from his tears.

The computer beeped before a monotone female voice answered.

"Message sender identified as James Tiberius Kirk."

Spock's body jerked up from the floor and he bolted over to the computer, sitting down quickly and accessing the message.

A small gasp escaped Spock's lips as Jim's face appeared on the computer screen, his pale blue eyes sparkling with so much life.

"Hi Spock, you're probably wondering how I sent this. I programmed the computer to send this video message only when a specific event has occurred."

Jim's voice was music to Spock's ears and he would have given anything to be able to reach through the computer and touch the man.

"I guess if you're watching this it means that I'm...dead," Jim paused to chuckle, "I'm guessing it was during an away mission. You and Bones always did warn me that I was way to reckless, took too many risks."

Spock let a half smile tease his lips.

"Now Spock, I have three things that I want you to promise me, and don't think you can get away with breaking these promises because Bones is getting one of these messages too and I'm gonna make him make sure that you keep them, got it?"

Spock nodded slightly; despite the fact that he knew that Jim couldn't see him.

"Promise number one. Don't blame yourself. I know for a fact that right now you'll be beating yourself up about how you 'weren't able to save me' but don't, Spock. I hate to think that after I'm gone you would think it was your fault."

Spock felt more tears rolling down his cheeks, dripping from his face onto the desk.

"Promise number two. Look after everyone. My death means that you're the new Captain and I can't think of anyone I would rather have look after the crew when I'm gone," Jim coughed slightly, his eyes brimming with tears, "take extra care of Bones. He looks tough on the outside but I know he'll be falling apart inside. He always looked out for me. As much as he grumbled about being a doctor and not a babysitter, I know he cared a lot about me."

Spock watched as Jim's tears fell from his eyes, rolling down that perfect skin and leaving sparkling trails behind. Jim chuckled nervously, clearing his throat as he wiped away his tears.

"Promise number three; and this is the most important one," Jim looked away for a moment before looking directly at the camera and almost directly into Spock's entire being, "never forget me."

The air was ripped from Spock's lungs and he felt himself break completely at the sadness in Jim's voice.

"Promise you won't forget me. I don't care if everyone else forgets but I couldn't bear it if you forgot, forgot all those moments of happiness you gave me and I hope I gave you too."

Jim was almost sobbing by now, his voice wavering with held-in tears and Spock was not much better.

"I never told you Spock but, I love you. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone before and I can promise you that up until my last breath I will love you."

Spock felt his heart flutter with sorrow at having never heard those words come from the man when he was alive.

"I know I'll never tell you. I'm terrified that you won't return my feelings and our friendship is too precious to me to ruin by scaring you off."

Spock thought his whole body would break as his sobs consumed his once more.

He had returned those feelings, _did _return those feelings and _oh_ if only one of them had been brave enough to tell the other!

Spock would have gladly paid his life to be able to go back in time right now and tell Jim that he loved him too, loved him more than anything in the whole of space.

"Jim...T'hy'la." Spock whispered, touching his fingers to the computer monitor, trying to somehow imagine that he was actually stroking Jim's face softly, trying to imagine what the warm skin would feel like under his fingertips and what the thoughts that would leak through him would look like.

"So, Captain Spock. Good ring to it huh?" Jim chuckled sadly.

Spock's lips quivered as a small smile graced his lips.

"I was never the type of person that believed in an afterlife or anything like that but...I know we'll meet again."

Spock raised an eyebrow slightly. Jim laughed.

"And I can imagine that right now you've raised an eyebrow and have that look on your face that just says 'what the _hell_ are you on about?' but trust me Spock..." Jim smiled sadly.

"It was too much of a coincidence for me to meet the other you and find out that in his alternative reality that he and the other me were bonded. Too much of a coincidence not to mean anything and I hope...no I know, that it means that we were meant to be together, whether just as friends or more." Jim explained.

Spock felt his heart skip a beat at the mention of bonding with Jim.

"I've always hated goodbyes so I'll make this quick," Jim bought up his right hand, separating his fingers and performing the Vulcan salute, "live long and prosper Spock, I will always love you. Remember that."

That's when the message cut out, a black screen replacing Jim's face.

"Live long and prosper T'hy'la, I will never forget you." Spock whispered.

He sighed, letting all his barriers come down and finally letting himself _feel_ his emotions, letting them course though his veins and cloud his logic thoughts.

He moved slowly towards the window that looked out into the nothingness that surrounded them.

Spock stared out and stood peacefully, taking a moments silence in reverent remembrance as Jim's words spiralled through his head.

_/We'll meet again./_

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><p><em><strong>Soo...yeah I know it seems rushed. I wrote this in about half an hour while listening to 'Iron and Wine - Such Great Heights' on repeat ^_^ Just something that came into my head and I had to get it out. Sorry it's rather depressing! Review please xx<strong>  
><em>


	2. Chapter 2

_**Another Goodbye**_

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><p>Doctor Leonard McCoy shuffled into his office and immediately opened the second draw down in his desk and took out the bottle of whisky that lay unopened amongst old hypos, taking also the glass that sat beside it. He poured himself a...<em>generous<em> glass and immediately downed the golden liquid, feeling the burn as it slid down his throat. Quickly refilling his glass, Bones again drained it.

The kid was dead.

Stone cold _dead_.

He'd not even been there, not been there to save him. And he would have saved him. There was no way Bones would have let the kid die. As much as he'd hate to admit it, he'd needed Jim, needed him to make him laugh when he was down. Needed him to shout back at him to help release his frustration. Needed him to look after him when the doctor was too drunk to help himself. This was the way he was headed right now. Another glass was emptied and refilled. He could feel the tears stinging his eyes but like hell was he gonna let them fall. He was a man dammit! He didn't cry!

Then came the beep.

The slow continuous beep that had Bones slamming down his glass and gruffly demanding the computer "shut the hell up and open the damn message".

That's when the glass drops to the floor, shattering into a million fragments of crystalline glass.

"So Bones, opened that bottle of whiskey you keep in your desk yet?"

Jim's voice ripped through Bones and he couldn't help the lump in his throat from making his slight laugh come out as a shuddering chuckle.

"I bet you're wondering how I know you have that but some things are meant to be kept a secret." Jim said, winking light-heartedly.

Bones took out another glass, mentally thanking Scotty for forgetting to take back his 'special Scotsman' glass the last time they had after-shift drinks. The glass was soon filled with whiskey. This time, Bones carefully sipped at the liquid and smiled slightly as he looked over the man's face now being displayed on his computer screen.

"Oh Jim..." he whispered sadly.

"So, if this is playing then...I've died."

Jim took a deep breath. Bones could feel his hands shaking and he put down the glass he held in fear of breaking that one as well.

"Away mission right? You and Spock warned me non-stop that I was way too reckless, took too many risks and I guess I finally ran out of luck." Jim said, looking down at his hands which were sitting in his lap. Bones chuckled darkly.

"Bloody kid making stupid decisions." He cursed, tears slowly slipping down his face.

"Bones I want you to promise me three things and you bet your ass you're gonna keep 'em because I know you. You were always moaning about how annoying I was but you always looked out for me and I know that you wouldn't break a promise to me." Jim said firmly, seemingly looking directly through the computer into Bones eyes. The doctor felt his chest become tight, his anguish ready to consume him completely.

"Dammit Jim." He muttered.

"Promise number one. Don't drink yourself to death." Jim said, his voice completely serious, not even a glimmer of a smirk on his face.

Bones looked at the bottle of whiskey that was now nearly half empty and grimaced.

"I know how hard you hit the bottle when something bad happens and I don't want you being the next one to go." Jim said softly. The doctor frowned, slowly picking up the glass and bringing it to his lips. However, after a mere second he placed it back down. He couldn't bring himself to take a drink.

"Promise number two. Look after Spock for me." Jim said. Bones rolled his eyes. If there was ever such a thing as loving someone _too_ much, Jim would fall into that category.

"I know you think I'm stupid for loving him but I can't help it Bones and I know my death will crush him." Jim continued. Bones rubbed his eyes.

"I know him Bones, I know him better than anyone and I _know _that he loves me. If not in the way I love him then like a brother. He'll be beating himself up and you know it!" Jim argued. Bones sighed.

"Kid's got me there," he grumbled, "He will be beating himself up, just like I am."

Jim chuckled.

"I can just imagine you grumbling away to yourself about how I'm right."

Bones laughed slightly, gazing wistfully at the screen and the image of his best friend.

"Bones, Spock will be going through every factor, every fact and every tiny scrap of information he has to try and see how he could have prevented my death." Jim explained and Bones knew he was right again.

"He'll make himself ill Bones." Jim's voice was small and full of worry. Bones sighed heavily and nodded slightly.

"Look after him for me Bones. Open up to him? You might be surprised what you get in return." Jim commented. Bones snorted.

"Yeah, a raised eyebrow and a polite excuse to leave." He sniped. Jim shook his head.

"Just no, whatever sarcastic comment you just made, just no." He retorted and Bones had to hand it to him, the kid did know him too well.

"You know, you and Spock have a lot more in common than you think. You could become great friends, if you both weren't so _stubborn_." Jim mused, making Bones roll his eyes.

"Just promise me you'll look out for him?" The blonde almost pleaded. Bones smiled slightly.

"Sure." He replied softly. Jim wiped tears away from his eyes and chuckled shakily.

"Assuming you said yes, here's promise number three." He announced. Bones sat back in his chair, waiting. Jim took a deep breath.

"Promise me you'll let someone love you." He said abruptly. Bones' eyes grew wide.

"What the..." he trailed off, completely gobsmacked by the request. Jim chuckled nervously.

"I know you probably don't understand what I mean. Let me put it like this. It's been a long time since your ex-wife and you haven't been with anyone since. You seem to have shut yourself down and won't let anyone in." He tried to explain.

Bones just stared blankly at the computer screen. Jim ran a hand through his hair, sighing deeply.

"Bones, there's someone out there for you but you aren't gonna find them if you don't even bother to look!" he said. The doctor sighed heavily, rubbing his eyes roughly.

"Oh Jim." He mumbled forlornly.

"Bones, you deserve to have someone who wants to spend the rest of their life with you and you'll find that person, trust me." Jim said tenderly. Bones smiled slightly. Jim suddenly cleared his throat and laughed awkwardly.

"But enough of the touchy-feely stuff! I've never been a fan of goodbyes so...here goes."

The blonde man took a deep breath, trying to control his emotions. Bones could feel more tears spilling down his face and for once he didn't care.

"Bones, you've been my best friend ever since we met on that shuttle that would take us to the academy and I don't regret any second that I spent with you, even if all I did was annoy you." Jim said, chuckling slightly. Bones rolled his eyes sarcastically.

"Have a good life Bones. I'll see you on the other side."

With that the screen went blank. Bones picked up his glass, staring down at the small amount of alcohol left within it before leaning back in his chair. Slowly raising the glass in the air, the doctor smiled slightly.

"See you on the other side kid."

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><p><strong><em>Colonelengle <em>asked for a sequel telling of the message that Bones recieved so here it is :) Hope you guys like it xx**


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